Abstract:
This post focuses on how we can practice being ourselves in the workplace or other places where we tend to try to tweak who we really are to be “accepted” or “expected” to be. In this blog, I will share some of my experiences with how I have been reminded that who I really am is enough for executive meetings, for biased leaders, for uncomfortable conversations at work, and everything else. The intent is to realize that although we all may have questioned ourselves at some point in time in our careers, how staying ourselves will benefit us way more mentally, emotionally, and even physically than it would be to try to fit what someone expects us to be.
When I first started working in a “professional” setting, someone gave me the advice to start off conversations for relationship building with those in higher positions, to find something that you have in common with them. This was the advice given to me by a White woman who aspired to be in a dominant, higher position, and shared what she had done in her career while sharing the interests of her husband. As we all are aware, most corporate American jobs are dominated by White males in higher, decision-making positions. Ann “Muffet” McCraw (Former Notre Dame Women’s Basketball Coach) quoted when she retired just recently,
“Less than 5% of women are CEO at fortune 500 companies.”
It is interesting that with just that one conversation, a slight sense of doubt or questioning of myself unconsciously came over me because 1) I am a single woman and 2) I am a Black woman and am almost certain that unless the White men I “find things in common with” have an interest in sports, particularly basketball, we may not be so similar. This is not to say that at times this does not happen. It does. That is beyond the point. My point is that when we first step into the workplace or other places where we cannot be our “full” self, we place the expectation upon ourselves to impress others. But, why?
Trying to impress people with one conversation, or two will only get you so far. The question that we should be asking is if tweaking our personality to fit in with the “professional” workplace expectations of a Black successful professional woman is our approach; will we ever truly be satisfied with the position that we end up in? Or will we one day reflect on how if we were to stay ourselves, we would have possibly been considered for a role or a title more aligned with our passion? Or if we would have stayed our whole genuine self, would we have been able to recognize someone who is in a lower position than us and received that same advice that we received once from the White woman we once considered a mentor at the beginning of the year, and instead gave them the advice to “Be your true self” and it will guide you to your calling.
I am not at all saying that I have all things figured out. I learn every single day how to get better and how to receive better. However, time at home as a result of the COVID-19 issue has allowed me to realize how important it is to live the life that you want to live and if you aren’t living it, work hard to create it so that at the end of any given day, you can feel like you are one step closer to accomplishing yet another goal. Living our lives how we want to live them means being comfortable with who we are, appreciating who we are, and being proud of where we come from and where we are going.
Questions that we may ask are am I educated enough, am I too passionate, do people have lower expectations of me because I am a woman, do people have lower expectations of me because I’m Black, do people downplay my education because I was a student-athlete?
If you think about it, we create all these expectations for ourselves which are a lot of times developed from the non-verbal cues we receive from someone or even the responses or lack of response when sharing our opinion. We may have an experience of feeling empowered our first time to speak our minds and show our passions and feel shut down when we don’t get the response we expected. After that one experience, we change our approach to not share everything we feel, but just some things.
Moving forward, what if we take a new approach. So I thought to myself, where am I most comfortable? Hmmm…I’m thinking like I am an athlete. I am coming up the court with the ball… Act as if there is a ball in (our) hands and (we) are confidently bringing the ball down the court, strategically thinking, with the amount of time left on the clock, and the score the way it is, what the next move is I will take. When I make that first pass as the point guard on the court, am I going to go to the corner or am I going to make a hard cut to the hoop? Or am I even going to make that first pass or keep the rock? Either way, I’m comfortable. I’m on the court. The only jitters I had were before I started the game but now that I started and my blood is flowing, I am good! We are professional, strong people who have been awarded a position where we are because of the work we put in. Before deciding if I am going to speak up and if what I am going to say is received, let me make myself comfortable. My most comfortable position is on the court.
I find that our psychological well-being leads to an emotional well-being, which allows us to be motivated to achieve a physical well-being, which prepares us to develop spiritual well-being. Being who we really are takes so much less work than trying to meet the expectations we create for ourselves from our experiences.
So…Here is me. Behind this computer and in front of a crowded office: Hi, I am Casey. I am a single Black mother. I am a former student-athlete who likes to think that I brought a lot of what I have learned through adversity in sports to the corporate world. I am an advocate for those who are in less fortunate positions or who are commonly judged by those in superior positions. I have a doctorate. And…Sometimes I get so passionate about topics like the inequity in education for example, that I sometimes get frustrated with the lack of focus it gets. I love who I am and if you accept who I am, great! If not, that’s okay too. You won’t have things in common with everyone you work with anyways.
I have heard so many stories of people getting attached to someone or something within an organization that does not align with their passions. They get stuck in that situation for so long because of the money or what they think is an opportunity that ends up never quite being enough. I challenge myself to find a passion and work towards an aspiration in whatever I do in order to be guided to continue to be my true self in hopes that full happiness and positive energy will come with that. I challenge you to do the same!😊