Don’t Let Your Past Determine Your Future
My name is Jeermal Sylvester and I am the CEO of Beauty 4 Ashes Inc. I work with the youth of the Indianapolis and surrounding areas as an Influencer, Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and Mentor. The purpose of my organization is to address the needs of youth and adults by providing character building, life skills, and etiquette training in hopes to prepare them for a successful and sustainable life.
Today I want to share a story about a young bright-eyed and vibrant boy who grew up on the westside of Chicago without his father in a single parent home. My life goals as a young boy was to find out who I was, what I could excel at to change my circumstances. After many trials and errors, I was able to discover that I had natural a ability to play basketball and it didn’t take long before I was one of the BEST. It’s funny to think back on what it was like growing up and the role models we had. Growing up in Chicago, Basketball was not my sport of choice. The sport I was skilled in was Football. Every young boy in Chicago at that time wanted to be like the late great Chicago Bear Walter “Sweetness” Payton. Growing up in Chicago I saw a lot of violence, drugs, gangs, and death. Because of this I needed something and someone to believe in to help get me through the tough days. Like a lot of kids back then and even today, I dealt with living in a broken home, struggling in school, absentee father, while trying to survive day to day. Growing up in Chicago in the area where I lived there weren’t many options for me or my future. Life was tough and my surroundings were not meant for a promising future. I had two choices, either be a statistical victim of my environment or change the narrative by raising a standard for myself and change my environment.
Life continued as I knew it. In the conditions me and my family were facing, I found solace in the game of basketball. While drugs and violence increased in my neighborhood daily my mother knew she had to do something for me to have a chance at life. As most concerned mothers would do when faced with these options, she sent me to South Bend, Indiana to live with a family member in hopes for a better future for me. Not fond of the change, I was very resentful and was not responsive because the move landed me on the south-east side of South Bend, Indiana a far cry from home. While South Bend wasn’t Chicago, the south-east side or the ‘hood’ as we called it had some of the same obstacles I faced back home.
I ended up attending James Whitcomb Riley High School located in South Bend, Indiana. It was there where my talent of basketball was discovered. It didn’t take long for me to get noticed all over the city and eventually the country. From the years 1988 to 1990, I excelled in basketball which allowed me to separate myself from the rest of the pact. Making several all-star teams, breaking records, and outplaying my competition. I was ultimately chosen as one of twelve players to be on the prestigious Indiana All-Star team. Next to being named Mr. Indiana this is one of the highest honors a player can receive in the state of Indiana for Basketball. This opportunity opened several doors for me to garner attention from several Division 1 schools. I eventually accept a full ride scholarship to attend Ball State University in Muncie Indiana.
During my time playing at Ball State University I was able to once again separate myself from the rest of the pact by making the All-Freshman Team. I was also named 1st Team All Mid-American Conference my junior and senior season. During my four years at Ball State I went through quite a few major ups and heart-breaking downs. Those challenges had me wondering if things would be the same or if it would cause me to go back to the hard life I once knew. While I was ready to go to college. I would have to say that I wasn’t prepared there to be or stay in college. Because of this, I made some very costly decisions that would change my life. Nothing would be costlier than what I had to face during my senior year. I will admit that I made some pretty dumb decision during my first three years in college but there was one decision that would change the course of my life. I remember it like it was yesterday because on December 15, 1993, I was in the NCAA News for being ranked 27th nationally in scoring points. I was feeling good about myself and my chances to be drafted into the NBA. But… December 19, 1993; four days later while in practice I let my emotions get the best of me. While I was happy about my national ranking, I felt horrible because we were getting our butts kicked. I was used to winning all the time so losing was new to me and out of my frustration I punched my teammate. We had just got a new coach and he was very upset with me. He wondered how could his senior captain averaging twenty-four points and seven rebounds a game could throw it all away. It happened fast and before I knew it I went from being team captain and leading scorer to kicked off the team for disciplinary reasons. Once again, another self-inflicted wound that placed my dream of playing professional basketball was now in jeopardy. Thank God for community activist like the late Charles E. Martin Sr. (RIP) for advocating for me to be returned to school and ultimately back on the team. Whew…thank God for second chances and the ability of others to overlook my faults to allow me to purse my dream of becoming a professional basketball player. I put all my eggs in one basket believing I would make it to the NBA Draft like a lot of guys from the hood think. That dream was beginning to look a lot like a nightmare for me. I found myself in a very low place and I was angry. When you mix depression and anger together it’s a recipe for disaster. You would think that I had learned my lesson by now wouldn’t you? Nope… a few months later, I was in the gym playing ball with some friends trying to clear my head. The problem was that no one knew but me that I was a ticking time bomb. While we were playing I attempted to dunk the basketball for my friends and the student who was very competitive down the court and fouled me to prevent me from dunking. We had words, I told him to “Chill out before I get hurt because I’m on the school basketball team.” The game continues and I got another fast break. As I was going to attempt another dunk, the same student comes down and undercuts me. Now we have a problem because I am on ten and he has no clue that I am not in a good place mentally. I shoved him and said, “Man I told you to chill out” and he says “I don’t care who you are I’m not just going to let you score.” While shaking my head I began to think to myself, here we go again. My tolerance for what I perceived as disrespect would be tested and once again. Without hesitation I did it again…wham I punched the student. Not fully realizing what I had done and the potential consequences of my actions, I continued to play ball as if nothing happened. I finished out the season, but it didn’t turn out as I planned. Because of my bad decisions, not only did my play suffer but so did my academics. Here I was this angry young man that didn’t know up from down. I was trying to balance going to the NBA and maintaining my grades while not really knowing what the outcome would be from me punching the second student. I did what most immature and scared kids would do… I ran. I had my cousin pick me up in the middle of the night without any notice I disappeared. I was so afraid that I would get locked up for my actions. I left school in the middle of night and never looked back. The problem with that was not only did I forfeit my scholarship, I also left a full load of classes on my records. Because I didn’t withdraw from any of the classes, this caused me to fail every class I was enrolled in at the time. Instead of graduating in June my decisions forced me to leave school without fulfilling my degree completion requirements due to my ignorance and fear.
Now I am at home and I don’t have a plan, nor do I know what I am going to do as far as basketball was concern. I reached out to a few people to try to see what was going on. I was paranoid that they were still looking for me which led me to cut all lines of communication off from the University and my former teammates. I know what you’re thinking… it doesn’t look good for this kid. Guess what? For a little over a year things were bad. Luckily, I had a good enough senior season that a few agents were still willing to work with me and got invited to an overseas camp. I took full advantage of the opportunity and was able to secure a contract to play overseas in Bordeaux, France for Basketball in 1995. I ended up leading the league in scoring and due to my skills and abilities, I was able to get another offer to play in Tucuman, Argentina. This opened the door for me to play in Singapore. In Singapore I would lead the team in scoring and rebounding. Based on my skills on the court, one of the players on another team asked me if I wanted to play in Taiwan. My answer was “YES and how much does the job pay?” the guy said “$100,000 dollars” I was floored! I asked him again and he repeated himself “$100,000 dollars”. I was so excited and felt overwhelmed with joy because this was enough money to change me and my family lives. I finally felt like my professional career was well on its way. I signed a contract for $100,000 to play in Taiwan and things were going well. Nope… once again my life would take another turn for the worst. While waiting to go back overseas to keep myself in shape, I played in a Pro Basketball league in Benton Harbor, Michigan. It was here that I would break my kneecap ultimately ending my playing career just two weeks before it was time for to report to Taiwan. Once again, my life was in shambles but this time it would be the hardest thing I would ever have to endure. All I ever wanted to do was play basketball and now that was taken away from me. I was in state of shock and unbelief, I worked so hard. Now I must push the stop button on all that I had worked for and once again I had to figure out…WHAT’S NEXT?
Here I was with a girlfriend whom I had two children with and she was pregnant with our third child, yet I wasn’t bringing in any INCOME! Now my back was against the wall and my head is spinning because I had to figure out something to do to take care of my kids. After my injury I had to decide what would become of my life after basketball? I began to think about what I could do that would bring me the joy and satisfaction I felt playing basketball. Lo and behold while I was chasing my hoop dream at Ball State, I took some Secondary Ed. and Criminal Justice classes that I really liked. I had no idea that those classes. The fact that my academic advisor Linda Hall noticed that my smile was brighter and had a pep in my step whenever I was working with kids. I found my niche in working with young people and it was without a doubt the only thing that gave me the same joy that I had when I was played basketball. Having the opportunity to help youth that had or were going through the same things that I did growing up gave me a sense of fulfillment and self-worth. It was at this time that I started my career in human services working with adolescent boys and girls. I never missed the opportunity to stress that your demographics doesn’t determine your destiny. I also stressed the importance of getting a college diploma. I was a model of what the persistent pursuit of your potential should look like because the reality is that nothing is over until you say it’s over. I didn’t get my degree before I left Ball State in 1994, I knew my background and the challenges I faced as a youth equipped me with the skills to communicate with the youth who had experienced the same things. My passion, hard-work and ability to be a team player allows me to be an asset to any organization and I don’t take that responsibility lightly. I am a firm believer that you can accomplish anything you want to in life as long you are willing to do the work. In my job as a Youth Recruitment & Business Engagement Manager as well as my business of speaking and coaching, I always share my story. I want to show people that when you don’t take advantage of the opportunities presented to you they can sometimes have a long-term effect on your life. I often catch myself laughing when I think of some of the conversations I have had with the youth and adults I have worked with because as they would share their issues with me I often found myself saying guess what…”ME TOO”!
That is where the name Mr. Me Too was created. I am able to relate to youth and adults alike by letting them know that I have gone through the same things and I overcame the obstacle… so can YOU. My slogan is “I’ve been there, I’ve done that, now let me help you get H.Y.P.E.D (Helping You Pursue Excellence Daily) I let them know that anyone that wants to be a part of this life changing movement can do it and get H.Y.P.E.D. I have failed repeatedly in my life and made bad decision after bad decision, but one thing is certain I never gave up. In basketball, in life, and even in my educational endeavors I didn’t quit. I applied for a Division I Degree Completion scholarship to complete my degree and by the grace of God I received the award. If you recall a little way back I said that it isn’t over until you say it’s over and because I am committed to the people I serve I stopped making excuses. I went back to school after 24 years and completed my requirements to graduate while I worked a full-time job maintaining a 4.0 GPA both semesters. I am the epitome of what mind over matter truly means because against the odds I fought through and finished what I started. Who would have ever thought that a former three-time college dropout (94, 05, 11) and three-time suspended from his college basketball team could turn it all around to become a college graduate. If you don’t mind, it DON’T MATTER! There is nothing more powerful than a made-up mind. I have had many opportunities to speak to the youth all over the world and conducted workshops as well as seminars reflecting on this very important subject on being mentally tough no matter the obstacle.
Humbly submitted,
Jeermal Mr. “Me Too” Sylvester