Blessings disguised in the shape of a ball
Basketball is a very special sport to me – demanding but rewarding. I met many interesting people, traveled to many different places, and made lasting friendships along the way. I love the sport because you are fighting for something greater than just you. The common goal is to win, but the life lessons you learn while playing to win is something I’ll never forget. You build many valuable characteristics and skills that come in handy in all aspects of your life, not just while playing basketball. I’m a Bay Area native who attended New Mexico State for 2 years, and then transferred to Sacramento State on a full basketball scholarship, where I earned a degree in Sociology. I am beyond grateful to have had the opportunity to play and compete at the collegiate level against amazing, talented athletes but couldn’t have done any of it without the help of my father, mother and God.
I have always feared failure, because I knew the sacrifices and efforts my parents made to put me in good schools, surrounded me with good people and kept me feeling safe. When I received a full scholarship, I was ecstatic because I knew how proud I made my parents. After signing the offer letter, the true journey began…
College ball tested my limits and forced me into situations outside of my comfort zone. My obsession with wanting to win is what kept me on a tight rope throughout college. My experience was filled with many high’s and low’s – a big roller coaster. There were great moments, like the time my team lead NCAA women’s basketball with 424 threes made, 573 steals, 11.97 turnover margin, and lead in offensive rebounds in my 2015 season. I helped change the trajectory and, even, school history my senior year at Sac St. Now the low moments, including: Self-doubt, tearing my ACL, lack of confidence, dealing with criticism, anxiety and handling the stress of juggling school and basketball. Constant negative thoughts crossed my mind like maybe this isn’t for me, am I built for this? Things of that nature. Although these negative thoughts crossed my mind they also passed. In the end, having gone through that emotional and physical rollercoaster it has given me things no one can take away from me. I am driven, disciplined, competitive, focused, adaptable, coachable, and organized. Without the game of basketball, I don’t know who or where I would be today.
Through the good and bad times in college, the support of my teammates was crucial, we pushed each other through the experience. If anyone knew what I was going through, it was my teammates. We understood the journey was going to be mentally and physically challenging and exhausting, so we held one another accountable and stuck together. Playing with 14 other girls who came from different social classes, backgrounds, religions, and sexuality gave me the opportunity to be open-minded. I discovered other cultures and journeys, which helped me become more adaptable and learn how to properly communicate with multiple personalities. I learned to accept people as they are and to always find beauty in our differences.
Life after college…
Since I was in 3rd grade, basketball was all I knew. I had consistent support from an infinite amount of people – teammates, coaches, academic advisors, athletic trainers, family, and the list goes on. I never felt alone. Until, of course, I made the transition to corporate America and left basketball behind. I was lost in what I wanted in a career. I was lost in who I was now. I hit an identity and self-worth crisis. I ended up received a job at a healthcare staffing agency in San Francisco – I now felt “alone”.
I would shuffle through the busy streets of the city to my daily station, and even though I was surrounded by many others in the same headspace, I felt no one could relate. I didn’t know anyone, didn’t trust anyone, I was very skeptical about my new environment. It was opposite of what I was used to. I sat at a desk 8am-5pm everyday for about a year. I was accustomed to being on the move going from class, to practice, to traveling. I instantly knew this job wasn’t for me. At the time I was just happy to have an income and be employed. Back then I felt that I couldn’t achieve my big dreams and goals without having good companies on my resume. I stayed with the company for a year because I listened to society say the normal is to keep working your way up in a company, grow with them and don’t quit, give it a fair try. I tried that but one day I found myself extremely sad in the person I have become. Outside looking in, it seemed like I was doing good but on the inside the environment and the type of work I was doing just wasn’t me and made me depressed. Everyday was a drag, I would go through the motions. I lost myself, I wasn’t working out, I was drinking more than usual, experimenting more, being a rebel but that just wasn’t me. I felt like I was being suffocated and had no voice to speak for the me that was deep down inside. I ended up parting ways with the company and making my way over to Yelp in San Francisco. I thought because it was one of the top 10 best workplaces in tech that it would make me happier than the other job, but I was wrong. This place made me even more depressed. Sitting at a desk again 7:30am-5:30pm, making 80+ phone calls a day trying to close deals. I sat across from the Vice President of the company to only keep conversation at hi and bye, I had limited organic in person conversations with people which made my experience awful. When looking for jobs I was looking in all the wrong places. After college I never once sat to write down what type of characteristics I have, what I enjoy doing and what I hate doing and using that as a guide when applying for a position. I was just looking at how much I would get paid and if it was a good company, wrong move for me. A couple months into the job at yelp I finally hit the lowest moment of my life and all the sadness, anxiety, depression and identity lose finally unraveled and I simply gave up. Just like that I went from being this goofy, caring, outgoing person to a miserable, pessimist.
Upon graduation I thought I was somewhat prepared to take on life after sports because I had been put through dreadful workouts, long study nights and many uncomfortable situations that made me strong. I thought I could handle life after but sometimes life knocks you the F out for a reason. Learn and grow from it.
The difference in college to life after for me was that I lost my why. As a student athlete you know exactly why you are there. You know what you are fighting for every day. Why you get it done day after day even though it’s extremely challenging. I always knew WHY I was playing. After college, I had no why. Didn’t know why I was doing anything at this point. I had no purpose, no intention behind any of my actions. I felt like a zombie.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS… KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
FINALLY, slowly rising out of the darkness and grasping onto hope again I stood up for myself. I said screw what society says, I’m going to try multiple jobs until I find one that I genuinely love to do. I then did just that. Applied for various. I would quit if I didn’t feel it was the right fit job for me, I was trying to be happy in my profession. I didn’t want to feel that sadness again. During this time, I could tell that my family and friends were concerned as to why I couldn’t stick to one job because what I was doing was out the norm in a way. I was hopeful that I would eventually find something I enjoyed and could turn it into a career. I finally took time one day and wrote down everything that gave me joy. I also wrote down my characteristics and what kind of person I am. In doing this it helped me see that I love fitness, movement and connecting with people. I then started applying to gyms in the area. A friend of mine recommended I try Orangetheory Fitness. Finally, a job that fit me so well. A job I don’t dread. I was extremely proud of myself for taking a stand and believing that I could turn what I love to do into a career even when I lost all hope.
Now I try to stay positive…
I’m not perfect and have learned the hard way many times but the key is to learn from your mistakes as you have probably heard many times but very true. Keep moving forward in a positive direction. There will be times when you feel overwhelmed, but you must maintain confidence in yourself and know that you can overcome any situation. It will take a tremendous amount of effort, time and dedication but it is possible.
Speaking your truth is tough. Be tougher.